みたらし団子

数日前のお昼はみたらし団子だった。つーか、何故昼食が団子？！と思うけど、何を隠そう、炭水化物が食べたかったのだ。朝っぱらから果物ばっかで、玄米を水に浸けてる時間も無かったし······それでみたらし団子と言う訳。

でも、「みたらし団子」でも、串団子じゃなかったし、茹でただけで焼かなかった。タレも美味しかったけど、もう少しとろみがあっても良かったかな。

次は豆乳とバナナの入った団子。楽しみ、楽しみ。

(とか言いながら、完全に食べ物の事考えてる。ヤバいなー、さっき朝飯食べたばっかなのに······）

magnolia wine

桜も綺麗だけど、木蓮も綺麗だ。

今日は（何となく）ゆっくりと起きて、春早々人生を味わった気がする。彼氏と一緒にブラブラと町を歩いて、桜を見ながら好きな事を話して、本屋で CD をまとめ買いして······〆はココナッツアイスだった。これこそ幸せ。

信用する友達に言われた：考えすぎるな—"Let it happen". 彼女も同じ事を言った、「奇跡」だって。心配性の私には有難い言葉だ。今が十分だよ。

兎に角、明日から数日間仕事三昧。嬉しーなー。それが終わったら日本中の資料館を渡り歩くのだ。行くぞぉ！

Weariness in the soul.

When cleaning with dangerous chemicals, avoid sticking your finger in your mouth just because there is something on it.

To avoid disappointment, check that the library is open before you go.

It makes sense for some, apparently, to have a section for women essays. Essays by women? Essays for women...?

It's not always what you eat, but often how you eat, that matters.

Good food with good people is one recipe for a good time.

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #23: 物価 / The Price We Pay

Last night I had salad for dinner. It's OK, I'm not on a diet—I'd just been snacking all day, and by the time I had a break from reading it was well past 9 PM and I didn't feel like making dinner.

But, I had received some (bagged) greens from the co-op, and I hadn't had homemade dressing in a while—so I had some delicious greens topped with apple dressing and freshly grated pepper. Ah, love!

Yesterday was full of unusual occurrences, because I encountered a $70 bra at the store on my way home from lesson. How does one justify a $70 bra? It must do one of three things: 1) Make your boobs huge, 2) Make you super smart, or 3) Prevent breast cancer for the rest of your life. In that case, I'd say $70 is a steal.

あれから二年。/ Two years.

Being in Japan for the last six months, there haven't been many occasions where I've been reminded of the Tōhoku earthquake. There are the usual commercial efforts to support businesses and farmers from the Northeast region, to boost tourism, to send fighting spirits—but often in a large city like Tokyo, a lot of life just continues the way it always has. For better or for worse, we are quite capable of moving forward and rebuilding.

でもさすがに今日は二年前の自分を思い出す。あの頃の私は肉体的にも精神的にもボロボロで、どう前に進んでいいか分からなかった。毎日疲れ切って、それでもやらなきゃいけない事があって、「これでもか、これでもか！」って感じで毎日を過ごしてた。

それでも震災の後の募金活動を通して沢山の人達と知り合って、皆で協力し合って、距離はあったけど、できる限りの事をした。多分それがあったから、あの春を乗り越えられたんだと思う。

I could never explain to people why the Tōhoku earthquake affected me so much. I couldn't quite call Japan my home at that point, especially not the Northeast. The relatives I do have in Japan were well away from the areas hardest hit, so that couldn't have been a reason. In reality, the quake should have meant the same to me as any other disaster that occurred in any other part of the world.

But it somehow didn't. And combined with the silliness of qualifying exams and the frustration of people problems, spring of 2011 was one rough patch.

今は······日本に帰ってきて、新しい人達と巡り会って、世界中にいる友達と心を分かち合える。愛する人がいて、何かをしたいと言う気持ちがある。（何かはまだ知らんが。）でも、二年前の自分がいたからこそ、今こう前に向かって歩いて行けるんだと思う。

だからこそ、そう簡単には忘れたくない。「過去の出来事」として片付けたくない。「忘れる」事がどれだけ切なく、どれだけ危険な事か、私達は分かってる筈だから。

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #22: 喫煙 / Smoking

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean that as in, "I discovered smoking as something for me to do." I mean that as in, "I discovered smoking as something for me to think about, because there are actually people smoking around me."

Sometimes the smell of cigarettes is enticing, gritty and sexy in a gratuitous way. Other times (like when I wake up in the morning and my stomach is empty) it makes me want to throw up. Smoking while eating and drinking seems akin to watching a movie with blindfolds—missing out on half the fun.

これからは飲食店では個室にしたい······

Love.

March is a good time to think about love, since the air is getting warmer and (as our dear Termanator once said) "There are Romans in the air" (although perhaps I misheard her saying, "There is romance in the air").

｢愛」と「恋」と「恋愛」って、どう違うんだろ？とふと思って辞書で引いたけど、よく分からん。｢愛」は誰かを慕う情、｢恋」も側にいない人への思い、｢恋愛」は······ "love" の訳語？何しろ、何となく切ない様な気がする。

But of course, love isn't just sad and wistful—the feeling of longing those words invoke emerges because we want to be close to someone who, for the impossibility of physics and biology, could never be close enough. As Hedwig says, we can only try to shove ourselves back together.

人を愛する事は、暖かくて、怖くて、寂しくて、素晴らしい事なんだと思う。時が人を変える様に、愛も人を変える（良い様にでも悪い様にでも）。知らなかった自分や、感じた事のなかった気持ちを発見できる。それと同時に、自分を曝け出して、傷ついたり、自分を見失うかもしれない。でも多分、一度知ってしまったら絶対に後戻りしたくないと思うのが、愛なんじゃないかな······