No, really. I may turn my head or make funny faces. I may even make an occasional comment or two. ("Hmm, this is interesting.") But rarely do I outright complain about food. (Except for that one time I had that really bad coconut tart at that one Chinese place in Yokohama and I was like WTF.)
And lord knows, since I don't get to eat gluten often, I save my gluten card for special occasions. And I thought that (starting) today was a special occasion.
Why? Because my Yahoo! Horoscope told me that my lucky food today was a 惣菜パン。
And just what is a 惣菜パン (sōzai pan), you may ask? Well, I had no idea myself, so I had to look it up online. (Thank you, Google Images!) Apparently it's bread with a sōzai inside of it. (Ha! Genius. Why did I not think of this before?) In contrast to the 菓子パン (kashi pan), it's...savory. And it's nuts.
My boyfriend said he doesn't understand why so many people think Japanese bread is good. I tried to explain that it was because Japanese people put crazy stuff on their bread and then still call it "bread". Cheese, mayonnaise, corn, shrimp, bacon, parsley, noodles, croquettes. Some of those aren't crazy, but most of them are.
(But this is what I love about Japanese food—it just cannibalizes other countries' foods and then forgets that the stuff they gobbled up ever belonged to other people. It's quite akin to the politics here, really. (See Solt 2009 for ramen example. And also any pizza joint selling you tuna corn eggplant pizza. I love it. (Not in the "I love it so I'm gonna eat it" sense but the "I love it because it's hilarious" sense.)))
Anyway, so. Horoscope. Yeah, so earlier I had finally submitted the paper I was supposed to submit way back on Saturday, so all of a sudden I had the mental luxury to go take a walk—which means I walked through Le Repas and then checked out the bakery inside of Ito Yokado and then finally settled on whatever they were selling in the bread section of the Ito Yokado grocery store.
And for 88 yen, how could I not get their croquette roll? That's like...sōzai pan at its best. (And it was...OK.)
But no, what was so awfully bad today was the other bread I bought—the adorable custard and whip dorayaki called「うさぎのほっぺ」。What?! That is too cute and the idea of it was just too good to pass up. And for 95 yen, I could arguably try it by claiming it was a medical experiment.
My religion states that any food eaten while walking tastes better. So I had this said "rabbit cheek" dorayaki while walking back home. But, but...
Wow. I think this is the last time I am ever eating anything from Pasco (the company that made this impossibility of a pastry). It just...tasted like a mistake. Like a block of clay had hopped into a bag marked "edible" and since no one realized it, they packaged it and sent it to the nearest grocery store. It tasted half-baked and had a chalky texture that I, that I...
Well, look, at least I ate both of the dorayakis that were in the bag, even though by the time I'd gotten through half of the second one I honestly felt like I had done something that I just wasn't supposed to do. But at least if I were going to die, I was going to be able to die merely from a very sharp feeling of regret while standing in front of cherry trees. Now that is what I call 本望。
でも真面目言うて、どうしてこれが「うさぎのほっぺ」なん？！つーか、絶対うさぎが怒るよ、これ見たら。「ウチらのほっぺはこんな不味うございやせん」って感じで。せめて「ぞうのみみ」とかにしたら良かった。
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