日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #15: クリスマス / Christmas

I can't really remember Christmas when I lived in Japan as a kid. We...might have had a tree? I know we got presents, like badminton sets and colored pens and stuffed animals. But man, after spending Christmas in the States, it's kind of hard to understand all the hooey that is "Christmas" in Japan.

愛する人達と一緒に時間を過ごし、そう出来る平和を祝う事の意味を自覚するのは、結構難しい。時々人の恐ろしい正体を見たりすると、「見なければ良かった······」と絶望する事もあるし。（あ、それはお互い様か。）でも、今年はサンタになって、美味しい贈り物を持って愛する人達に会ってきます！

Merry Christmas! Or, 我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人......

Wait, I didn't actually mean "Merry Christmas!"; I meant more like, "fill in your favorite winter holiday here"...

冬の赤い実ではないけれど、紫でも悪くないかもしれない······鮮やかだし！

My day began with a phone call to a dear friend, which just about made my year. It also included a wind symphony concert and losing my karaoke virginity.

今日初めて聴いた MONGOL800 の｢小さな恋のうた｣。色々ショッキングな事があったクリスマス · イヴは、こんな歌が存在すると言う事だけで癒される······

持つべきものは友 / If I Didn't Have You...

今夜の夕飯のメインは、上の階に住んでる中国人の友達が作ってくれた餃子でした。極美味！家に帰って来たら配達してくれた！おまけに今日は奮発してスーパーで（三割引の）油揚げなんか買っちゃったから、お味噌汁まで豪華だったわい。こりゃー罪だな。

I can understand how people get depressed in January after seeing their holiday shopping bills, because I've got gifts piling up around my room and taking up living space. At least most of the gifts are food and thus justifiable...

西に向かって / Facing West

ここ二週間は何となくモヤモヤな気持ちが胸につまってた。ん〜、実際は今もつまってるかな。どうしよ。

There's a character in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night who is not actually in love, but in love with the idea of love. And that's kind of how I'm feeling.

こんな恵まれた環境で何言ってんだ？！って思う。自分がやりたい事をする以外、生活の事は何も心配しなくていい。ここに辿り着くまで何年間自分なりに努力して来たか。（あくまでも自分なりに。）これだけで幸せになれる筈じゃないか。

But I admit...lately I've been feeling like there is a difference between wanting and having (as my good friend pointed out), and maybe, just maybe, what I've been working on for the last five years is actually not what I want. Holy crap! (Of course, this is probably influenced by the prospect of never really finding a job in this field...)

それだけじゃない。林真理子も言ってる：生きてる人間はシャツじゃないんだ。特徴を並べて、それで誰かを愛せる訳じゃないんだ。あ〜、人生は、思っているよりずっと複雑だ。そして、それだから楽しいんだ。うん。
 
On a lighter note, I've welcomed a new member into my household, who will keep me warm on those cold, lonely winter nights. And when I'm confused and can't rely on anyone, even myself, she will be someone I can lean on...

週末 / Weekend

What I like about weekends is that I can work and still enjoy myself.

昨日は日帰りで京都行って来た！さすがにこの歳になると新幹線で関東と関西を往復するのは疲れるな。昔は San Francisco と San Diego の間を飛行機で日帰りしても大した事なかったのに······

Today I got to hear a classical guitar quartet, which has done wonders for my reading processing ability. So, once I finish the book I'm reading now, I can get to editing my in-progress paper! Having just written a quarterly report, I'm feeling the need to make concrete plans and check things off my to-do list. Nerdy work weekend! Yeah!

友達と話したり、一緒にご飯食べたり、面白い発表を聴いたりするのは、毎日の生活の中で掛け替えの無い事なんだ。私のこの生き方を変える事はできないよ。気が強くても、フェミニストでも······

[What looks like watered-down carrot juice is actually kaki yōkan...thanks for the recipe, Ace! The white wine works wonders!]

師走 / The Master Is Running Around.

The realization comes late, but it's December. Wow, 2012 has gone by fast; in fact, time has been passing incredibly quickly since I passed my quals last April. Funny that...

This week has been intense with the mental inputs. It started off with a trip to an unbelievable bookstore in 代官山 with a lovely friend from undergrad, followed by two fulfilling days of reading and preparing for a mini-presentation. I'm now pretty sure I'm going to enjoy writing the first chapter more than I thought I would...

As if that weren't enough, I indulged in お好み焼き and games of pool with a friend, which made me feel like I was 18 again. But the excitement fizzled when I acknowledged that I needed to stop being such a bitch and say only the things that make people happy. Focus on pleasing people! As a Disney character said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say...nothin' at all."

And that is what I'm going to do.

でも、今日は友達が昭和記念公園を案内してくれて、メッチャクチャ楽しい日だったわ。ついでに気に入ったリースリングも見つかったし、友達とスーパーで買い物できたし、風呂吹き大根も美味しかったし、柿羊羹もこの分だと失敗じゃなかったみたいだし······来週は締め切りで大忙しやけど、なんか満ち足りた時間が流れて行く様な気がしないでもないな······

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #14: 高尾山 / Mount Takao

今日は一日中真っ青な空で、冷たい風が吹いていても高尾山に登るのには絶好な日でした。ちょっと電車に乗って山に行くだけで季節が変わるのを体中で感じられるのは、とてもありがたい事です。何しろ綺麗だった〜······

Walking up Mount Takao was a nice exercise, and the view of the hills and city below nearly took my breath away. The turning leaves were absolutely lovely too, but I figured I don't need to add one more photo to the stock...

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #13: 炊飯器 / Rice Cooker

Instead of cooking dinner tonight I baked myself a cake—a fair trade-off, I'd say. I'd gotten a recipe for persimmon cake from my high school English teacher a month ago, and it was high time I tried it.

Except...my kitchen lacks an oven! My frying pan upside down apple cake last time was OK, but it was too difficult to control the distribution of the heat. Microwave/Oven toaster? Bleh...

But wait...I have a rice cooker! And even though the last time I made cake with a rice cooker (with a "cake mode"!) it required re-baking, this time it actually turned out looking like a cake! Dinner served...

と言う訳で、何か無くてもちょっと工夫すれば何とかやってけるって訳だ。次はかぼちゃプリンだな······

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今日この頃、自分がやる事、言う事に以前より敏感になってきてる様な気がする。説明しにくいけど、女だから言っちゃいけない事とか、学生だから言わなくちゃいけない事とか、アメリカ人だからしちゃいけない事とか、日本人だからしなくちゃいけない事とか······考えてるだけで頭が痛くなる。皆偉いなー······色んな事があっても、ちゃんと社会でやってけるんだもん。此処に住んでるのが楽しいと思う反面、絶対此処では生活していけないと思う自分。嫌われたくないし、できれば好かれたいけど、でもそんな事を気にしながら人と接するのが大嫌いな自分。あ〜、大人の人間関係って、難しいな〜······ それともやっぱ、ウチがバカなだけかな············

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #12: スタバ / Starbucks

This, too, is a misnomer, since it's less a discovery in Japan and more a discovery in front of my train station. Regardless, it seems I spoke too fast when I said that there wasn't a Starbucks close enough by: now we're getting one right across from the two-story, 24-hour McDonalds. ::sigh:: Global capitalism...

Today as I was doing some reading at Mr. Lee's Taiwanese Snack Cart (that's...not its actual name) I ended up watching a DVD of PVs from the album <<越來越愛>> by 飛輪海 on repeat for two hours straight. I would've considered getting up and leaving, except the songs were so darn catchy and them boys were so cute...except it turns out they're not boys, they're actually my age! Go figure. I thought I was past the age of liking boy bands, but I guess not.

今日は······良い日だった。明日もきっと良い日だと思う。

On Thursday I am hitting the mother lode of all jewelry in my life. Prepare for some major acquisitions...

頭が変な考えで一杯一杯。

最近色んな事があり過ぎて、頭が変になっちゃった。どうしたらリセットできるんだろう。書きたい事は山ほどあるのに······

例えば、水曜日に見た会田誠の展覧会。そこで見た「灰色の山」。 久しぶりに行った石鹸屋さん。人と人の間に生まれる「優しさ」、「親切」。友情と愛情の違い。日本の和菓子屋さん。「木守り」に間に合わなかった事。スーパーで、落ちたサインを掛け直してた女の人。電車の中で、泣いてる子供を慰めてたおっかないお姉さん。知花くらら。原発。関東と関西の違い。アジアとアメリカ軍。金持ちと貧乏。肉無しの鍋。気温がマイナス１度になって、ぎょっとした事。

My head may as well explode with all these strange ideas floating around in my head. I suspect it really was the Aida Makoto exhibition that did it to me. I'd seen his piece "The Giant Member Fuji Versus King Gidora" before, but seeing a museum full of his works did something funny to my brain. But I can't wait to go back to the Mori Art Museum in March, because they are doing an exhibition on Alphonse Mucha...muah! Perfect timing!

でも、本当に何とかしなければ、これでは仕事が進まん。ま〜、今夜のハーブティーとラベンダーのロウソクで、ちょっとは気が治まったかも。さてさて。明日はお薄と和菓子で、次の締め切りを目指して頑張るぞ〜！