2013-02-25

Pardon me for holding myself back.

LinkedIn recently suggested to me a Silicon Alley Insider (of Business Insider) article that discussed a book on gender and leadership by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. It made me want to read the book, if I can manage to find it in the library—since I cannot stand to pay good money to read something that may potentially get my blood boiling (and thus kill me).

The article summarized one of Sandberg's main points, "that women are taught that they need to keep themselves out of power, and that they therefore limit their own ambitions and sabotage their own careers."

This is probably not untrue—that women are "taught" (and thus "learn") to keep themselves out of power. But that they "limit" their ambitions and "sabotage" their own careers may not be an accurate way to describe what's going on.

If I don't express an interest in being a CEO, maybe it's because being a CEO means (in addition to hard work) balancing work with "non-work," in a society in which the "non-work"—cooking, cleaning, taking a sick child to the doctor—is continuously undervalued and overlooked. Maybe it's because, regardless of the fact that my partner may be all for me working outside of the home, the society in which we live doesn't make that easy for us.

If I I don't say that I want to become president, maybe it's because I live in a country where the election of Barack Obama, who is as equally white as he is black, is celebrated as the historic election of the first black U.S. president. A country where we won't see a female president for years, and where we still see discomfort displayed at the thought of an openly homosexual president. (And where permanent residents can't run for president.)

If "[m]en attribute their success to innate qualities and skills" while "[w]omen attribute their success to luck and help from others," maybe it's because we live in a society in which merit and power (and its cousin, masculinity) are based on notions of independence and individuality, rather than on cooperation and community support (and its cousin, femininity).

If more men think that they are qualified to run for office than do women, maybe it's because we don't have a good measuring stick for what "being qualified" means, regardless of the gender of the people in office. (And yes, the fact that still only 18% of Congress is female is thought-provoking.)

Achieving a 50-50 split in gender among executive officers is not the way for us to say, "Hoorway, we've achieved equality!" That's not only false and essentialist, it's just plain silly—like saying a world in which everyone is 160 cm tall is a world in which equality reigns.

I think it would help, though, to rethink what success and leadership means. To make sure that "mothers" aren't pegged as being primarily responsible for childcare and housework. To consider how rethinking things like support for daycare and flexible work hours is just as important as rethinking minimum wage laws and immigration policies. And that simple solution that the article claims Sandberg suggests? I agree that "[s]haring financial and childcare responsibilities with a husband makes for less guilty moms, more involved dads, and 'thriving' children"—but can we also think of the couples working overtime to support their families, the single parents living with extended families, the same-sex couples trying to raise children in a heteronormative society? Can we not assume that everyone can afford to hire nannies and housekeepers while the husband and wife "share responsibilities" and go out and make lots of money, however well- and hard-earned?

Seriously, I need to stop reading these articles until the end of the week...otherwise I spend too much time holding my head in my hands and sighing endlessly, when I really should be doing other things.

[Pink! It should be my favorite color, since I'm a girl. Obviously.]

2013-02-24

Breather: Live Music

今夜は久しぶりの下北沢(辺り)での友達のライブでした。BAR GARI GARI (which...can't seem to make up its mind about how it wants its name written out...all caps? two words or three?) は初めてだったけど、雰囲気が好きだったからまた行きたい。店内の照明が暗くて写真は厳しかったのは兎に角、ちょっと exposure/contrast/shadows を無理してみるとこんな感じ。(ピント合ってないのは照明のセイじゃないっす······)

There's something strange that happens when you've listened to music by a band so many times, that it takes a while to get accustomed when they do something different—it doesn't mean that what they're doing is bad or that what they used to do was better. It's just...it's like seeing an old friend that you haven't met up with in a while, and discovering that she's chopped off 35 cm of her hair. It's not good or bad, it's just...different. It's that kind of a feeling.

今日はなんとなくテレテレ仕事して、あっと言う間に夜になってしまいました。今週の発表に備えてちょっち読書三昧ですが、以前(怠けて)英語で読んだ本を原文の日本語/中国語で読むと、印象がガラッと変わります。(日本語の本は······つまらん。中国語の本は英文よりもっと悲しい。)

Still, I did manage to get some writing done for a chapter, which was a good feeling. Knowing that it's going to go through many revisions, I feel it's forgivable to write things that many not make immediate logical sense. (Or, er...it's not a matter of immediacy, but anyway.) Aside from that, I heard Spanish for the first time in weeks, which was a pleasure. Being in Japan the last six months has meant being surrounded by Asian people, which often makes me feel uncomfortable. It must be my Western, liberal, anti-crowd mentality...

話変わりますが、最近久しぶりに与謝野晶子にハマってます。いや、「ハマ」っていると言うより、読まなくちゃいけない「ハメ」になってると言った方が正確かも。与謝野晶子とか平塚らいてうは嫌いじゃないけど、どうも······好きになれない。でも、失礼ですよね、そんな事言うの!何しろ向こうは日本の女性作家の大代表なんだし。でも、やっぱり飲み込めない物は飲み込めない······

I suppose that's the difference between saying that something is good and saying that I like something. At the end of the day, I can't change how I feel about things that other people say are good—The Shining, Jefferson Airplane, The Call of the Wild. I just don't fucking like them. ::sigh:: That doesn't mean that others can't convince me of their stellar qualities, or that I can't leave alone people who do like them. I'd just like people not to give me a hard time about not sharing their sentiments.

おっし、まだ2時だし、もうちょっと仕事できるわ。明日は日曜日!安息日やから、本読んで、発表の資料作って、先生の為に『スワロウテイル』の Blu-ray Disc 探しに行って······あ〜ぁ、先生に送る前に開けて見ちゃったら、怒られるやろか。ずっと見たかった映画なんやけど、自分で見れない内に人の手に渡してしまうのは、勿体ない······

2013-02-22

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #21: アレルギー / Allergies

Note to self: If I want a dining experience in which the server cares more about my allergies than I do, then I should go to a place geared toward children.

This past Sunday I stopped by CAFÉ TABATHA in Shinjuku Takashimaya while waiting to meet a friend for dinner. Located on the 9th floor (with the children's clothes), its menu offered things like crepes, parfaits, and pancakes—perfect for kids who don't appreciate "adult" food. With a muted orange/moss green interior and cute kids running amok, the place nearly made me want kids of my own.

2013-02-19

日本での発見 / Discoveries in Japan #20: 抱負 / Aspirations

Actually, I'm not sure if「抱負」is the right translation. My other options were「切望」or「熱望」, and while those may have been more appropriate, somehow「抱負」felt more grounded...

Last night I tagged along with a friend to watch SADO TEMPEST, a futuristic rock-musical film adaptation of Shakespeare's The Tempest. The film was a treat, but what struck me more was the community that had gathered for the conversation (with two directors, including SADO's John Williams, and the editor-in-chief of the Japanese cinema Web magazine Midnight Eye) beforehand. There were young actors, directors, hair/make-up artists...everyone working toward a dream, talking to people, completing projects, putting their work out there. There was a vitality and eagerness that was inspiring, and it reminded me of all the cool theater folks I had the chance to work with back in SF. Oh, good times!

2013-02-13

目が回る。

最近色々あり過ぎてちょっち目が回ってる。やりたい事も沢山あるけど、なんとなく······あり過ぎて困ってる。その内の幾つかが仕事関係じゃなければ良かったんだけど、何もかもがある意味「仕事関係」となると、怠ける余裕もねーじゃねーか、バカヤロー!!

I'd feel better about slacking off if I didn't actually want to finish off some of the things on my plate. But the bad thing about being inspired is that...well, even if you're inspired, there's still only a finite amount of time in any given day, and only a finite amount of energy I am able to expend...

そう言っても、凄く凄く嬉しい事もあったから、なんとなく前に全力で進みたい感じ。この先どうなろうと、今を生きなければ······

OK! Presentation, abstracts, paper revision, chapter drafts, reading...sure feels good to have something to enjoy doing.

(この間買い物で渋谷に行った。渋谷に行くと特に地理感覚失うから、苦手だ······)

2013-02-05

一息 / a deep breath

ここ数日間は色々と締め切りがあったけど、それも無事に終わって、明日からは図書館で借りてきてた本がやっと読める······嬉しいな。:)

The Chinese presentation...went. My advisor was like, "Yeah, I didn't really understand what you were saying," but at least I learned a lot and got to meet some amazing people. :D

昨日の星占いは色んな解釈ができた:「権威に押しつぶされそうな出来事がありそう。でも、いまこそがふんばりどき!」ハズレではなかった様な気がする。何しろ、当分の間は6時前に起きなくていいのがありがたい······

On an unrelated note, I pulled my typical John-Mayer-esque "My Stupid Mouth" trick and pissed off yet another person (well...yet another Japanese male) by being my usual anti-marriage/family institution bitch. ::sigh:: Why do I keep making the same mistake? Seriously?? I really need to learn my lesson and get myself a filter...