Why Skin Care and Make Up, Why Now

And this, my friends, is how I "project pan".

I wished I could say that me writing about make-up and Sephora-things is because I've been watching too many YouTube videos recently. But I don't think that's really the case.

I've mused about makeup before, even if it was mostly out of confusion. Actually, most of my thoughts about things related to skin care and make up have been based in curiosity, admiration, frustration, and envy. But recently, the feelings have turned more toward a certain kind of resolve.


Ever since I was young, I've had to deal with one type of skin issue or another. There are photos of me as a kid in our family albums with pads—you know, like, the ones you use when you're menstruating—taped to various parts of my body because my parents had to figure out clever ways to put ointments on my rashes. (I have the stupidest grins on my face in those photos, though, because I had no idea what those thick white things were.) I've always had dry and sensitive skin, and I distinctly remember in elementary school a boy asking if I wanted him to peel the dry pieces of skin off of my lips. (I didn't. (But you can bet I asked my parents to buy me chapstick after that.))

In college I started learning more about different skin care items, trying to combat the dryness of what people sometimes describe as the largest organ of the human body. When I started working a real job, my body went through another round of changes, and my skin started acting up in all sorts of new ways. The good thing was, I was working at a place where we sold skin care items, and my colleagues were really invested in teaching me about different solutions to my problem. The bad thing was, I had to sell our products to our customers, which meant people were looking at my skin more closely than in regular situations. I still remember that lovely customer who suggested I try putting olive oil on my hands, "because your face is so pretty—it's such a shame."

Um, thank you?

I've dated people who felt uncomfortable about my skin, who would make comments (even if they meant no harm), or who would point out skin conditions of other people, in ways that made me want to punch them in the face. It's odd how the fact that I had eczema made me somehow protective of everyone else who also had similar conditions.

(Though one positive to come out of all this was that I got to play lab rat for a new drug that was being developed for eczema, and I got paid for it! Boy it sure hurt to have those holes dug into my arm, though...)

I have yet to figure out what it is about the human skin that makes it so—I don't know. I know there are theoretical works out there about skin—human and otherwise—but the feeling is different when it's about my skin. It's hard for me to have that scholarly distance. It's hard having "it" written on my hands, on my face. It's that tinge of fear when I have to shake someone's hand at a first meeting. Or when I have to talk with a student during office hours. It's a strange mix of paranoia, shame, and—resignation. I don't know, it's weird. I guess it's similar to other things related to our appearance. But somehow, somehow...

Anyway, the resolve. I think the surge in my interest about skincare and makeup has come from the very shitty academic year I've been having so far. Oh don't get my wrong, my students and classes are fabulous. It's just that I've not been taking care of myself at all. I've bit off more than I can chew, and I often find myself eating Manager's Special packs of cookies from Ralphs at 1 AM. I'm not sleeping enough, and I'm sure as hell not exercising. And the weirdly dry weather since January has made my entire body just a nightmare. And understandably so.

So yeah, the resolve. I swear I have it. I must start taking care of myself better. Eat, drink, and sleep better. Actually move my body. Not work so inefficiently. A healthier mind and body may lead to healthier skin, even if I do have eczema. I want to get my body to its own equilibrium. Then I want to use products that are natural, and cruelty free too, so that no actual lab rats are having holes dug into their bodies. And I can look forward to another shopping spree in August...

When I was working at the store, my manager gave me an eyeshadow palette. It was the most beautiful thing, with all sorts of shimmery colors. It took me over 10 years to use up (yes, I know, you're probably thinking, "Well isn't that why your skin is messed up?!" but I swear it's not, Kosé is actually a very reliable brand), but I've officially gone through it all. And I feel like going through it has convinced me that this is worth it, this whole skin care and make up thing. Care for the skin. Make up with it. Apologize for all the shit I've put it through, and make things right. I feel like that's the only right thing to do.

(And are "skin care" and "make up" two words or one? I feel like the former is the former and the latter latter, but I can't be sure. I should get a copy of that glorious staple from my high school newspaper days, One Word, Two Words, Hyphen-ated...)