Still love. In its many forms.

In Fall of 2009 I learned that my friend had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. There wasn't much I could do for her—I could visit her in San Francisco, sit with her, talk with her, listen to her. But I wasn't a doctor, and I wasn't going to be able to cure her illness. I was powerless. And I hated the feeling.

But I'd gotten into the habit of donating my hair every time it got long enough, since I figured that, given my family history, it was probably not a bad idea to have some karma saved up. So when I learned about my friend (and when I figured out that I could do so little for her) I thought—well, even if I can't help her directly, maybe I can help someone else instead.

The only problem was, my hair was only just barely long enough to cut off the length I needed to donate it. But I figured, hey, hair grows back—and mine particularly fast. So I went to the nearest Fantastic Sams and got my hair buzzed off.

On Monday when I showed up to campus with my new 'do, people reacted. "Oh my goodness, what happened?!" "You look so different!" "It's so short!" What do you mean, what happened? I cut my hair. And yes, it's short—get over it. Do I really have to tell everyone I meet that I cut off my hair because I felt like there was nothing else I could do to help my friend?

A week or two later, I went to visit Rosemary, to talk about something silly or mundane, like qualifying. I walked into her office and she offered me a seat. We started talking, about...I don't even remember what now. But about a minute into our conversation, she stopped.

"There's something different about you."

"Oh? Um...maybe because I got my hair cut?"

"Oh, yes! That's what it is. You got your hair cut."

Yes. I got my haircut. That's all it was. It wasn't anything dramatic, I didn't grow a third ear, my brain still functioned. And I admit, there had been a point a few days after the haircut, when I looked into the mirror and thought, "Wow, I look ugly." I hated comparing myself to the norm that (healthy, feminine) women were supposed to have long, beautifully flowing locks. And I hated being so shallow about something that would grow back soon enough, when my friend and her partner were going through the toughest time of their lives.

So when Rosemary said that to me—when she unwittingly reassured me that all I had done was cut my hair, when so many others were talking about how drastic the change was—I felt reassured. I got a haircut. It was short, but my hair would grow back. And while I might feel powerless in the face of cancer, I had thought of my friend and acted, albeit in a very small way. I loved my friend, and that was all that mattered.

Thank you for putting that into perspective for me, Rosemary. Hearing everyone's remembrances of you yesterday reminded me of that incident. And it reminded me of all the forms love can take, however large or small. And it reminded me of what I have been so sure of for nearly a year, that there is someone I love who loves me, and that I couldn't fly to him fast enough, to be with him. Thank you for that, Rosemary.

Online Language (English/Japanese) Lessons

So, I'm taking an class on online marketing (in all the spare time that I have...please don't judge me), and I had to submit a proposal regarding a business for a paper we're supposed to write later in the quarter. Here's what I submitted:

--
As an idea in development, my proposal outlines an online language learning service. Inspired by the demand for English classes in Japan, the service offers English and Japanese conversation lessons via Google Hangout or Skype. (The languages offered can vary depending on the conversation partners available—it’s just that I only speak English and Japanese…) The learner can choose the length and frequency of the lessons (typically between 30 and 60 minutes) and work with the same conversation partner across weeks to improve basic conversation skills in a casual and comfortable environment—at home, from a café, you name it. The service is accompanied by a site that offers language learning tips and materials that are text-, audio-, and video-based. It also provides a system for tracking progress, connecting with other students, and participating in events and activities in the local area. The service can be useful for anyone, from college students to professionals hoping to pick up conversation skills in a new language.
--

I suppose that accompanying site is this blog...

Any thoughts? Feedback? Ideas or preferences for what you'd like to see in a service like this? I'm all ears!

お金をかけずにステキになる方法 其ノ一：「『ステキ』になりたい！」と思おう！

自分でも「血迷ったか？！」と思う様なタイトルですが、こっちは今午前三時半・・・多分ちょっと頭が変なんだと思います。

一年近く前にある事がきっかけで、「美人になる方法」をネットで検索した事がありました。そしたら！あるじゃないですか、そう言うサイトとか本が、山ほど・・・

ワタナベ薫の「美人になる方法」。（これ見て「マジあるんだ・・・」と思いました。）イネス・リグロンの『世界一の美女の創りかた』。（この本好きです！古本屋で立ち読みしかした事ないけど。）その他色々！

あの頃は気持の余裕があったから、ネットでこんな事読んでられたんだと思います。
でも、今は仕事で頭が一杯、一杯。

そして何より、今目指してるのは「美人」じゃなくて、「ステキ」な人。
自分にとって尊敬できる人は、外見とは関わらず、輝いてる人です。
男女問わず、しっかりと前に進んでいる人。
それでもって、見るとハッとする程カッコイイ人。
それは「美人」と言うより、「ステキ」なんだと思います。

ですが・・・いつまでたっても貧乏のワタシは、「無駄遣い」が嫌い。
おまけにズボラで三日坊主。「努力」が苦手。
どうするべ？！と言う感じです。

とは思いつつ、自分なりに頑張りたいと思います。
そして、その第一歩として・・・

「『ステキ』になりたい！」と自分に言い聞かせます！
一種の自己暗示。
ちょっとずつ、自分の内側から、外側へ。
（と言っても、外側の方がちょっとテンション上がるかもしれませんが。）
「ステキ」を目指して行きたいと思います。

一体全体どうなるかは・・・見てのお楽しみ・・・ですね。おそらく。

"Chopped" Ep. 1: Misinterpreted Moussaka

We enacted an episode of Food Network's "Chopped" at our house tonight in order to use up some of the ingredients in my kitchen that usually remain untouched. The contents of my basket: eggplant, potatoes, Trader Joe's ginger spread, and slivered almonds.

Stir-fry, which is one of two things I know how to make (the other being miso soup), was kind of out, since I didn't want to step on the other contestant's toes. So instead I said—"Oh I know, I'll just slice them up and do anything but stir-fry them and see what happens."

Kind of a bad call, but then I remembered that there was some Greek dish that involved layers of eggplants, so I thought I would just...make layers of eggplants and bake them in the Le Creuset caseerole dish that I'd always been wanting to use (despite never having tasted moussaka before). Here's the non-losing recipe:

Misinterpreted Moussaka

2 medium potatoes
1 small eggplant
1/2 T soy sauce
1/4 C slivered amonds
1 T ginger spread
1/2 t salt
3+ T Italian dressing
1 T mayonnaise
2 T (soy) milk
(Gluten-free) bread crumbs

1. Peel and slice the potatoes, maximum 1/4" thick. Boil until soft.
2. Peel and slice the eggplant similarly. Moisten with water and add soy sauce. Microwave, mixing occasionally, until tender.
3. Chop the almonds. Mix with ginger spread, salt and 3 tablespoons of Italian dressing. Add water to create a saucy consistency.
4. Heat oven to 350º F. Spoon a thin layer of Italian dressing onto the bottom of a casserole dish. Layer potatoes, almond ginger sauce, eggplants, almond ginger sauce, repeat. Finish with eggplants. 
5. Mix mayonnaise with (soy) milk. Spoon over the eggplants. Sprinkle gluten-free bread crumbs on top. Pop in the oven for 10 minutes, or until the other contestant finishes his entry. Enjoy, wishing you had some wine in the house.