2014-12-12

Food Over Clothes

The good folks at Asiana Airlines really want me to learn how to enjoy Ssambap...

I had lunch with a friend today, and during our walk afterwards I mentioned to her that I'm not really interested in clothes. Like, I wear them because they're socially required; otherwise, I can kind of take it or leave it.

As in, I'm not really interested in going out to buy clothes. I'm not really into shopping, either. If I could, I'd just wear the same things for years and years and years, until they kind of fell apart. (I proceeded to explain to her that, of my outfit today, my shirt, cardigan, coat, scarf, and boots had been given to me by someone else. At least I'd chosen my own pants and underwear. And socks. I think.)

But food, on the other hand. Aaaah, food. Now that, I can think about for hours on end. Grocery shopping and restaurant hopping? Now that's how I spend my quality time.

2014-12-10

The Deception of "I Understand"

31_ice_cream_brown_sugar_cinnamon_rum_raisin
['Tis the season, 31 Ice Cream! Scoops of Brown Sugar & Cinnamon and Rum Raisin!!]

I've recently encountered several occasions on which to tell the story of how my family ended up immigrating to the States. [It goes like this: When my father was young he had the opportunity to be a visiting scholar at UCR. Our family spent a year in Riverside, and after we returned to Japan, my mother expressed to my father that she wanted to live and raise her kids in California. My father said, "OK".]

The common reaction to this story—from men and women, from Japanese and non-Japanese—is "I understand" (or some variant of it). As in, they understand my mother's desire to want to live and raise her two daughters in the United States rather than in Japan.

To which I often want to ask: What do you understand? Do you understand that life as a woman is hard in Japan? Do you understand that being a parent, as well as being a child, is hard in Japan? Do you understand that America presents liberation for such women and children?

Or maybe you understand that the United States is home to commendable gender equality. Maybe you understand that life for immigrants is easy and unproblematic in the States. Maybe you understand that moving across the Pacific Ocean solves all sorts of problems for people.

Or do you perhaps understand that it's easy for people to ask their spouses to give up their jobs—the only source of income for the family—so that they can move to a new country and build a life from scratch? Do you perhaps understand that men have it so much better than women in Japan but now all of a sudden they get to experience an even more enriching enlightenment that is the non-patriarchy in the United States? Do you perhaps understand that this decision was so obvious, so logical, so easy to make?

People, please. What can you possibly know or understand. And better yet, what can you possibly, outwardly, verbalize as something you know and understand? It's not better or worse living in one society or another, and it's not easy or difficult to choose one over the other, either. It just is. And it just is to different people in different ways, and that's perhaps the closest you can get to something you can understand.

I think it's great to want to learn what it's like, what it's not like. I think it's cool to get educated, so that you can ask thoughtful questions. But you understand? Understand what, really. Please, do tell me; I'm all ears.

2014-12-08

夜喫茶 #3: 味鮮館

土曜日はお夕飯を作る気になれなかったので、前から気になってた台湾料理屋さんの「味鮮館」に行ってきました。何しろその日のラッキーグルメはミミガーで、沖縄料理のお店は遠くて面倒くさいけど、味鮮館なら何とか、と言う感じでした。

注文したのは豚耳のピリ辛味付け(500円)、天津飯(600円)、それと柚子のきもちを一杯(450円)。豚耳は美味しかった。でも、最初に出てきた天津飯を食べてたら、段々豚耳なんて食べてられない気分になってしまった・・・まだ体が普通の状態に戻ってなくて。結構な量を残してしまいました。申し訳ない・・・

でも、天津飯は・・・普通?と言うか、私が期待していた天津飯ではなかっただけ?白いご飯の上に渦巻きの卵とあんが乗ってるだけ。えっと・・・具は?せめてグリーンピースとか?!

2014-11-28

Happy Tofurkey Day!


I am thankful for many things—

For my parents, who are alive and doing their thing. For my sister, who cheers me on. For my brother-in-law, who is good not only to his wife and his daughter, but also to his punkish sister-in-law. For my niece, who is awesome and nuts. For my pk, who is.

For my research, which gives me a chance to sojourn in Japan. For my apartment, which is falling apart and is so charming. For my flare jeans, which have put up with me for so long.

For the seasons here, which I am still getting used to. For the rowdy school kids, who never seem to be able to keep their voices down. For the old folks, who descend the stairs very slowly.

For music, which has given me friends. For food, which has given me inspiration, For language, which has given me everything.

Mmm...I want some pecan pie......

2014-11-26

Na-Go-Mi!

Actually, I'm not really sure what 和み (nagomi) means. If anything, it feels like something that shouldn't be written with an exclamation point at the end...

I think it means...something soft, something gentle. Something soothing, something relaxing.

I'm sure it's supposed to reference ideas of peace and harmony.

It must also be intentional (on someone's part) that it gets used to describe things that are "Japanese".

But how? Why?

I have to spend some time improving my language skills.

Please tell me if you have suggestions for Japanese/Mandarin/Korean textbooks...

2014-11-24

セブンーイレブン・・・いい気ぶ〜ん

皆さん。私の近所に、新しいセブン−イレブンがオープン致しました。これは嬉しいなぁ〜・・・

何しろオープンセールで、なんとマヨネーズ一本無料!と言う事で、貰ってきましたよ、私も。いや、一応ちゃんと買ったんですけどね、メロンパンを。

さて、折角近所で二軒目のセブンができたので、これから自己中的な「TOP 3」を各カテゴリー毎に選びたいと思います。そのカテゴリーはこちら:

お弁当
麺類
揚げ物
総菜
オリジナルパン
おにぎり
サンドイッチ
オリジナルデザート

自分でも相当暇なんだな〜、と思います。でも、忙しい時はついコンビニのおにぎりに頼ってしまう。セブンさん、これからもよろしくお願いします!

2014-11-19

GSA #10: On Organizing Your ABD Time

(Today is a "get some work done" day, so of course I take a break by blogging...)

I had three years of coursework and then three years of ABDness. Looking back, I don't feel like I did much during those ABD years—I mean, I think I can count them on one hand. Year 1: 1) apply for external fellowships, 2) write prospectus; Year 2: 3) collect sources, 4) write chapter drafts; Year 3: 5) finish and defend dissertation. Um...that's it?!

When I think of it that way, those three years seem so compact. Every day passed so slowly and yet so fast, each moment just slipping right into the next.

But maybe because of that, it's easy for me to think now about what needs to get done during ABDness. It probably helped that I'm a freak who loves to plan and write up to-do lists, but at the end of every quarter, it helps to lay out what you need to do in the following quarter. Provided that you already have a prospectus, here are some things that might help in order to get through that nebulous ABD zone.

  1. Outline your dissertation. Yes, the whole thing. And yes, it's OK to have "I. Introduction. II. History. III. Theory. IV. Textual analysis. V. Conclusion." (That's how most of my chapter outlines looked at the beginning anyway.) It's just important to have a single outline/document that lists all the (planned) sections of the diss so that you can see what needs to get done before you can defend it. (This also helps because outlining one chapter often gives you ideas about what to include in others.) 
  2. Fill in the outline. I said "at the beginning". Go back to your prospectus and imagine every single section that would have to appear within all of the sections. Which historical events will you have to explain? Whose biographical details will you need to include? Which authors, which texts? The more you do this, the more excited you'll get about your dissertation. (Or at least you...hope?)
  3. Insert all your past papers into your outline. I'm telling you, this is the lazy bum's guide to getting through ABD. Once you have a filled-in outline, it's possible to see which pieces you've already written might belong in the diss, and if they do, where. Those seminar papers were not for naught! 
  4. Revise your outline. Did you find that many of the "pieces" you inserted don't have the perfect fit? Revise your outline (i.e., the individual chapters as well as the larger diss) so that they do. And all the pieces that were left on the cutting room floor? See if you can't reframe things further to make those fit, too. After all, you wrote them—they must be related to your larger scholarly project. [Note: OK, by no means should you be unreasonable and try to shove things in where they really don't belong. Just keep in mind that your diss will continue to evolve anyway, so you might as well front-load the evolution and give yourself a head start.]
  5. Figure out the sources you need. This is easier if you've written grant proposals, but given your revised and filled-in outline, list up all the sources and pieces of information you'll need. Is it something you can look up in an article, in a book, on the Internet, in an archive? Build yourself a plan that enables you to collect the things you need, when you need them. (Maybe it'll even include a trip to an exotic location!) Prioritize, and be flexible. There will always be more things you'll need, and always things you won't be able to get to. That's OK—you can save them for your book project.
  6. Now—write! No, really. Start with the first paragraph of the intro, or the last paragraph of your conclusion. Start anywhere, but just be sure to write. The damned thing's not gonna write itself; at some point you have to move from planning to writing. And let's hope it'll be a fun process.
Do this at the end of every quarter to celebrate turning in grades, and you'll be done with that puppy without even knowing what hit you.

As a friend of mine (who had a Ph.D. in some sciency, bioengineering field or whatever) once said: at some point you have to lay out all the papers you've got, put them in an order that makes sense, figure out what's missing, and go churn out the missing pieces. That's what ABD is about, really—a whole lot of figuring out, and a whole lot more of churning out. Enjoy.

2014-11-17

夜喫茶 #2: サンデイオフ

あらら、写真ブレちゃってますね。おかしいな、まだこの時点では酔っぱらってなかったのに。

先週の水曜日はサンデイオフに行ってきました。「外で食べる」=「外で飲む」の私にとって(不思議だ)、サンデイオフは唯一何度もお邪魔してるお店です。お手頃な値段でワインが飲めて、おまけにお料理も美味しい・・・文句ありません。

あ、あります。と言うか、『本日のグラスワイン』が7月からず〜っと同じなので、「グラスワインのメニューっていつ変わるんですか?」とお尋ねしただけですけど。ま、ウォッシュのチーズとレーズンがあれば、私は何でもいいですけど。

2014-11-14

I tried on Jimmy Choo shoes and am never going to do that again.

I was at the International Terminal in Haneda Airport, which is full of brand name boutiques catering to the moneyed people who travel overseas for fun. I was walking around to kill time, when I spotted a Jimmy Choo store. Although I usually keep "window shopping" to (literally) looking at things through the window, for once I thought it would be fun to walk in and pick things up. And oh, how lovely those shoes are! So dainty, so lacy, so sexy... The assistant brought out a pair of black heels in my size so that I could try them on. But they...just looked so wrong. They didn't match my feet, my legs, my clothes, my face, my hair. And the price tag didn't match my wallet, which wasn't a surprise. How depressing, Jimmy Choo. I guess I'll just have to stick to my flip-flops from now on.

2014-11-12

GSA #9: On Giving Conference Presentations

This dude is about to go give a "presentation"...in his undies...!
I realized that the main reason why I write these posts is because I need to discipline myself into practicing what I preach...

Presenting at conferences is a great way to explore ideas and get feedback and questions. But there's also something huge about the opportunity to practice giving presentations that I'd totally forgotten. (Shut up. I'm an idiot. I know.)

After having a blast at PAMLA and spending time with awesome people, I am resolving to do the two following tasks for my next presentation.

Go off script. Oh come on, conference presentations are only 12 to 20 minutes long. If your idea of getting people to become engaged with your work is by reading off of letter-sized paper for that long, you've got some rethinking to do. Besides, when (not if) you give a job talk, that shit is like 45 to 50 minutes long! You might as well practice giving lovely (and long) presentations (with visuals) when you're given that opportunity (which might be rarely for those of us who don't teach our own classes).

(I understand that some people can read beautifully from a script, and if you are one of those people, more power to you. I am not. I also think it's fine to have a partial script or an outline as long as it enables you to stay focused, make eye contact with audience members, and riff a little. I saw two of my friends giving such presentations at PAMLA, and I was like...that's what I should be doing!)

Practice. Why, why, why do I always leave presentation preparations 'til the last minute? Somebody please kick me. At least I've moved beyond that point of forcing my companion to look for a Kinko's with me near the conference site. But conferences are opportunities for you to get "out there" as the awesome scholar that you are—don't blow them! People remember you if you are good or bad, and then kind of forget you if you are mediocrely somewhere in between. (That's an actual word? Wow.) And if people are going to remember you, it'd better be because you were polished and professional—because then you get to make friends and join awesome projects in the future!

[At some point I want to go to a conference just to go, without having to present anything. If anyone has suggestions for a good conference to crash, I'm all ears.]

2014-11-10

夜喫茶 #1: ペルル フェルクリン

何を隠そう、今私は名古屋に住んでおります。

それでですね、滅多に外食しない私ですが、タマ〜にどっかに立ち寄った時は、その記念としてここに記録を残しておきたいと思っております。

と言う訳で、『夜喫茶』シリーズ第一弾。先週の金曜日、川名の駅の近くのペルル フェルクリンに行ってきました。スイスチョコとフランス菓子のお店で、アパートと職場の間にあるので、いつか行ってみたいと思っていました。そうしたら7日は7周年記念との事で、オーダーが一割引!行かねば、の使命感でした。

注文したのはショコラショーとティラミス。(両方一遍に頼むかよ、普通・・・でも頼むんだな、甘党だから。)ショコラショーは死ぬ程美味しかった。毎日飲みたい。(死ぬけど、そんな事したら、多分。)ティラミスも美味しかったです、やや甘めだったけど。

でも・・・でもですね。もう何か特別なイベントがある日にお店には(特に初めてのお店には)行かないと決めました。だって・・・サービスがメッチャスローなんだもん。おそらく私はとてつもなく短気だからそう感じたんだと思いますが、レジの人達なんて・・・「ママゴトやってんじゃねーんだよっ!!!」と叫びたくなる程ゆったりとした感じでした、はい。

喫茶店では、確かにゆったりと時間を過ごしたいです。ドタバタと追い出されるのはイヤ。でも、ココアを作るのも、商品を包装するのも、会計をするのも、落ち着いて、それでもなおかつテキパキとする事はできる筈。お客様がくつろぐ為にも、お店の人はスムースに物事を進める。そんなサービスを私は好みます。

2014-11-07

Life is uncertain—eat dessert first.

Did I tell you I love desserts? I do. I love desserts. As little kids might say, I would marry desserts if I could.

This morning I was looking up images for donuts and came across a great recipe for donut holes from Gluten Free on a Shoestring—and even though I can't deep fry things, it at least inspired me to think of baked alternatives. (I saw some recipes for banana bread donuts...mmm.)

And why was I looking up images for donuts on a random Friday morning? Because I'm feeling stressed; I am a stress eater; I don't want to succumb to being a stress eater; so instead I look up images of things I want to eat. Thankyouverymuch, Pinterest.

Good food has always been one of my favorite things. And even though there is plenty of evidence that sugar is toxic, I would much rather live a short life with sugary desserts than a long and prosperous life without.

So, in order to allay my stress and think happy thoughts, I decided to do a little thinking about some of my favorite desserts. I think they fall into several categories.

  1. Cakey things: Cakes, donuts/doughnuts (especially coconut), cookies (especially chocolate chip), cupcakes, quick breads, pastries, muffins, etc. Throw in a tres leches cake and I'm in heaven. And even a fengli su for good measure, since that's translated as "pineapple cake". 
  2. Creamy things: Ice cream, flan, panna cotta, crème brûlée, cheesecake. I think this category also includes other cold but dairy-free things, like sorbet, sherbert/sherbet, gelato, etc. (Somebody please tell me how these things differ from each other.) I also get the feeling that "rice pudding" and tapioca pudding belong here, since rice isn't really cake. (But then "mochi" should go under cakey things, so...)
  3. Fruity things: Um...fruits. Mango, watermelon, Asian pear, pineapple. Peaches and grapes. Sweet berries, lots of them. Dragon fruit.
  4. Chocolatey things: CHOCOLATE. 

And then there are the random snacks, like anything you could get from Trader Joe's. I'm also a huge fan of marshmallow puffed rice treats. And anything with sea salt or chile. Dah...

Diabetes and hypoglycemia, be damned. Being healthy is one thing, and eating well and being mindful of what goes into the body (whether it be too much sugar, fat, etc.) is important. But I also know that eating something small and sweet can often lift my spirits. I can learn later about alternative and "healthier" sweeteners—brown sugar? cane sugar? agave, maple syrup, honey?—but for now, I would rather just go ahead and eat that dessert first; who knows what unexpected thing can happen in the course of my meal.

2014-11-05

GSA #8: On Submitting Abstracts to Conferences

I love going to conferences for three reasons: 1) visiting cool places with subsidy, 2) getting feedback on my work from an unfamiliar audience, and 3) expanding my academic (and social) network on my own terms. And since I received a question on how to go about submitting to conferences (e.g., writing up an abstract from scratch or what), I decided this would be a good time for me to articulate my own conference submission system.

As I mentioned in a post on how I appreciate conference abstracts that at least gesture toward making an argument, having a paper already written makes it easier (I think) to write a more convincing abstract. At the same time, I often use conferences as a space to explore new ideas and take a break from my dissertation project (even if things end up connecting anyway).

To that end, I (like most people) take one of two approaches to submitting abstracts to conferences:

  1. Take a paper lying around and write an abstract based on that, or
  2. Write an abstract for a paper I want to write, that also fits the conference field/theme—for an ongoing project, for a potential future project, or for fun

Approach #1 becomes easier the more seminar papers you accumulate each term. Presumably out of those papers there should be one or two that you'd be interested in developing in the direction of the conference field/theme. (Early in my Ph.D. career I gave conference presentations based on a paper I wrote in undergrad and even a paper I wrote in high school—shut up, it was my Extended Essay for the IB Program, and it's still a paper I'm hoping to return to and revise into an article one day. Apparently my interest in gender, modernization, and Japanese literature was already in place at the tender age of 16.)

Approach #2 is good if you can make yourself write the paper just for the conference, and even better if you can write it as a seminar paper too—because then you've just killed two birds with one stone! Plus if you can get comments from the prof before you head off to the conference, your presentation will be even more polished. And thus, your coursework and research mutually develop each other.

After you write the abstracts (and papers), you can put them in your "dissertation folder" if you think they belong there. Whether they get accepted or not, after a while you start accumulating words that help construct backgrounds, potential arguments, and threads of future exploration. 

I'm seeing all these CFPs this quarter for grad student conferences, and I get kind of wistful that I can no longer apply to them. (Grad student conferences tend to be cheap (even free), and with excellent food.) Anyway, freshly off the PAMLA boat, my next couple of posts will probably deal with 1) the actual giving of the presentation and 2) organizing panels. Probably. Maybe.

[That was the view from the gate for my flight out of Haneda Airport last Wednesday...in front of Hokkaido Kitchen. Man, did their curry smell good...]

2014-10-29

GSA #7: How to Write a Ph.D. Dissertation (Part 1)

Psyyyyyyych! (Or is it "sike"?) As if I am able to write such a post. In fact, this is a post on how to write any ol' book-length project, but I just wanted to write a post using the above title. As my friends gear up to defend their dissertations—yay!—and I gear up to start revising my 200+ page monster—nooooo...—I thought it would be nice to recall some of the methods I used to "write a Ph.D. dissertation".

There are multiple books out there precisely on this topic (like this, this, and this—the top 3 hits for an Amazon search for "how to write a dissertation"). My cohort was told by our former Director of Graduate Studies (that's what it was called back then) that these books actually help, a sentiment that was echoed by my GUIDE mentor. Being me, of course, I went to check one out at the campus library—but since the popular ones were (believe it or not) already checked out, I borrowed Alison B. Miller's Finish Your Dissertation Once and for All! Apparently she got her Ph.D. in psychology and has a project management background, which actually suited my working style. (Never mind the fact that the title makes writing a dissertation sound like an excessive drinking habit that you need to kick.)

Anyway, if there are 10 ABDs in the room there are probably 10 ways to write a dissertation, so here I merely articulate what I ended up doing, in order to analyze it a bit and improve it for my next stage. (And of course, this is geared more toward the humanities than anything else.)

  1. Take advantage of seminar papers—Any reason to write a paper is a good one, more so if you've got a prof responsible for giving you feedback (you hope). You can synthesize a whole term's worth of readings and discussion into a 10–20-page paper! Too bad for me, though, I am no longer taking seminars...which then makes it important that I...
  2. Take advantage of (conference) presentations—(The motivation for this post, in fact, is a presentation I have to give in November for the grad students in my department.) Jot down the questions and comments you get, regardless of what you think of them or who asks/gives them—it's free feedback, take it!! (And honestly, the only reason I've been to cool cities like Boston, Toronto, and Singapore is because I've had conferences there. Conferences are a great opportunity to hear interesting presentations, and who knows, maybe you'll even find yourself a part of a book project.) 
  3. Keep files and folders of your ideas—That means Word (etc.) files for things that interest you and Finder folders for all your papers, QE materials, conference abstracts, etc. Keep your words and find a place in the diss for everything—for now. (You can delete them later.) As I've said before, I'm better at editing than I am at writing—and I can only edit if there are words on the page. Besides, I write my dissertations like I cook my dinners: I don't pick out a recipe and go buy the necessary ingredients, I look at what's in my fridge and figure out what I can make from that. So: I look at what random papers are in my folders and figure out what dissertation I can write from them. It doesn't produce great meals, but at least you don't starve.  
  4. Have a writing group—Nothing like good ol' peer pressure to churn out a dissertation! Have (bi-)monthly deadlines, meet up for coffee to give feedback, or just sit together in a room and vow not to leave until you've written the full 120 minutes (with breaks in between). It's such a good feeling to know you have company in moving these projects forward.
  5. "Write Like a Motherfucker"—I didn't come up with that, one (TPII talks about who did), and two, I actually didn't write like a motherfucker my last year in grad school. (Other things in life happen even while working on these projects.) But writing is your job: You don't write only when you have brilliant insights, you don't write only when you feel like it. The fact that being an academic isn't a regular 8-to-5 job doesn't mean that you can't treat it like one—and sometimes you just have to work through it like you would any other job, while trying to strike that mythical work/life balance.

2014-10-27

人生

「人生」って・・・「人が生きる」って書くんだな〜って、今(ホント)思いました。

考えてみると、人生って不思議だな〜。何処にどう生まれるかなんて全然コントロールできないけど、何しろ生まれたからには、全力を尽くすしかない。それでもこの世は不公平で、滅茶苦茶ラッキーな人と、滅茶苦茶そうでない人がいる。それでも、みんな生きて行かなくちゃいけない。

心配はしません。きっと、きっと大丈夫だから。悩んでも、心配しても、何も始まらない。兎に角、前に進む。自分に素直になって、大切な人を支えて、大切な人に支えてもらって。「何もできない」って思っても(それが事実でもそうでなくても)、あんまり自分を責めないで。

それより、仕事辞めて実家でフラフラするのって、皆さんどう思われます?

あ、写真小さいけど、分かります?茶色いてんとう虫。この前家で見つけて、思わず写真撮っちゃいました。(サッシ汚くて、すみません。)

2014-10-20

私が感じた事。

俳句・・・と言う物に、最近興味を持ち始めた。

英語で言う "haiku" は昔から好きになれなかったが、日本語で書かれた俳句を実際に読んでみると、これはなかなか面白い。今の所、何が何だか本当に分からないが、ほんの少しずつ勉強して行きたい。

と考えていたら、知り合いが『ランドセル俳人の五・七・五』と言う本を貸してくれた。幼い男の子が俳句に興味を持ち、登校拒否の間に詠んだ俳句を集めた本だった。それを読んだ私が何を感じたか。

それは、「教育と言う制度を信用するな」と言う事だった。国が決める教材。教師と親の対立。子供達の間での関係。何を望んで学校に行くのか。何が目的で塾に通うのか。何を期待して進学するのか。

「学」とは何なのか。人間の中に何を埋め込み、何を引き出すのか。幸せになる事。相手を理解する事。健康な体を保つ事。他者の命を奪わない事。

自分が感じた事を17文字に納め、違う人と分かち合う。それが俳句、また「学」なのかもしれない。

2014-10-17

GSA #6: Conference (and) Abstracts

abstracts_decisions
To this day, I've never had an abstract accepted to the MLA conference. It's a funny feeling—a part of me is like, "Who cares? It's just a giant meat market with little regard to Asian Lit anyway...why should I go?" But another part of me is like, "Dammit, why won't you let me in?!?!" It's like Virginia Woolf (er, Nicole Kidman) says in The Hours: Even crazy people like to be asked.

But the last few months have been abstract season, which means I've been churning out a lot of abstracts—and reading a fair amount, too. I usually follow the advice from The Professor Is In on how to write conference paper abstracts, and it makes me feel better about what I submit. I understand that there is both some amount of formula to these things, as well as the need to be original and true to your own style/scholarship. But there are certain necessary ingredients for a good abstract, and the advice is a good place from which to start.

Especially in organizing conference panels (third time's the charm?), I always get a little confused when I read abstracts without an argument. You tell me what you're going to study, you tell me why it's significant...but for crying out loud, are you going to have anything interesting to say about it??

We know that conference abstracts are a guess at best: that when it comes time to write the actual paper (two weeks before the conference), it'll look different from what you proposed six months before. And I think that's good—it's a sign that, even in those six months, you've learned and thought about more things to make you write a better paper. But without that initial guess, how will you know which direction you're headed?

Book Renewal Fetish

This morning I went to the city library to return some books and check out some more. But when I got there, the sign on the door said...CLOSED. Apparently I'd missed the memo that today was the day for the library to sort out its materials. ::sigh::

Throughout my Ph.D. program I constantly had books upon books checked out of the library. During coursework it was for writing my seminar papers, which meant that at the end of finals week I could return most of them and bring down my checked-out books count to a single digit. While writing my dissertation, I constantly had books on hand I needed to read, more books for which to procrastinate on my writing, more books to fill up my desk space (or two). I'd read through them and take notes, or I'd read parts of them, or I'd read none of them and just gaze longingly at their spines—with a promise that I'd read them after I wrapped up whatever draft I was working on.

What I couldn't get enough of was renewing books. All I had to do was log into my account online, click a couple of buttons, and voilà! I could keep all of those books sitting on my desk for another six months! (Was it? I forget.) It was like proof that I was working: Look at all these books I have checked out! I must be making progress on my dissertation!

Yeah, right. When I moved to Japan I didn't bring that many books, knowing my stay here was temporary. And now I have this lovely office with (count 'em) EIGHT floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and I only have a handful of books sitting on them. Nowadays I check out just as many (or more) books than I did as a grad student, but I actually read them all, and I read them a lot faster.

I'm taking up a "no renewal" policy, kids. No more clicking online buttons for me. I check out the books I need, take down the notes that are useful, and return those puppies to their homes. I feel a lot more efficient, and I feel better (in my own little world) that if there are others who need the books, then they don't have to wait a long time to get to them. It's like a strange form of "recycle, reduce, reuse"—it's up to you! Even if my bookshelves do feel a little lonely.

2014-10-15

Ah, money.

Last night I read a book on budgeting and saving. Its gross bourgeois assumptions aside, I really enjoyed reading it. (This, of course, has much to do with the fact that it had lots of pictures…I love books with lots of pictures.)

Growing up in a modest household, saving money became a habit, then a perverted kind of love. That love served me well, though, when at 23 I had saved up enough money so that I could quit my day job and work at my beloved retail job instead. (So what if it didn’t let me pay for much aside from my $1,125/mo studio in the Mission? It was for less than a year, until I started grad school…though it’s funny to think that “grad school” presented a more stable financial option for me back then.)

The problematic* nature of this post (and the book) will be addressed later; for now, as a single woman pushing middle age, I want to review the things that I know are good financial planning practice, even if I don’t always do them. (*Stuff like living off of a TA salary, having kids in grad school, etc.? That’ll be included in the “problematic” post to come.)
  1. Review your spending. Where does all your money go? Does it leave your wallet for good causes, or does it just gush out into a big money hole? Track it for a month and be pleasantly surprised (or not).
  2. Budget. No no, don’t budget like UC Regents does—because that’ll make you shrink the size of your library and pay too much to administrators and sports coaches instead. But do figure out what percentage of your income should be going to what. For Ph.D. students aspiring to be middle class, that starts with 25% for rent, 10% for utilities (Internet and phone included), 20% for savings, etc. (Um…right.)* Once you have a (realistic) budget, actually try to stick to it.
  3. Build up an emergency fund. I’m not talking about emergencies like the Next Great California Earthquake; I mean the “3-to-6-months” worth of living expenses that’s often suggested by folks who apparently know better, including things like monthly loan payments. This is why Steps 1 and 2 are important. 
  4. Plan five years ahead. Moving? Getting married? Spawning another human being? Account for that in addition to your earthqu…I mean, emergency fund, and set aside. (Or at the least, start a separate "fund" or two.)
  5. Invest. What? You have money leftover?! Holy cow, it’s time to visit a site like ShareBuilder and start reaping the benefits of the capitalist market! (No, I'm not advertising for ShareBuilder...though it isn't a bad idea to invest even if you haven't totally prepped for Babies #1, #2, and #3.)

I also figured out last night that, to send a kid to UCSD for four years of undergrad, I would have had to have saved $580 every month for the last 18 years. I wonder how much I’d have to start saving if I were to send my kid to UCSD in 20 years. ::shudder::

2014-10-13

「ぜいたくは敵だ!」

友達が斎藤美奈子の本を勧めてくれたので、何冊か図書館から借りてきました。読みたかった『文壇アイドル論』は他の学科の図書室にあったので、まず『戦下のレシピ』から始めてみました。

今の食べ放題の社会には分かりにくいかもしれないけど、やっぱり戦争って厳しい。(日本語って all caps ができないから残念。)ウチのばあちゃんは農家だったけど、ヤミで大根とかをマッチやら何やらに換えてたってよく聞きました。大変。

2014-10-10

On Beauty, or, a Followup to Makeup

[What the...I just did a search on Pinterest for both "beauty" and "beautiful", and I'm kind of confused by the difference in the results...]

Last week I mused about makeup, and some of the reactions to that post made me think a bit more about beauty and what makes someone attractive to someone, and in what context. 

For example, in thinking about Jay-Z and Beyoncé, and how...different...they look, I remarked on male privilege via money and power in heterosexual couples, to which my partner replied, "Actually, Jay-Z has different experiences that make him an interesting person." 

That makes sense. And for someone who has her own life experiences and passions, who can be more attractive than another who is driven and works to make the most of his talents? Isn't that something powerful, something that makes a person attractive to someone else?

Clearly I don't need to wear makeup to look like a "white person". Nor do I need to wear makeup to look like an "attractive Asian (or Japanese) person". But I'm still curious about untangling those threads that link up changing the way we look to feeling happy, to being and feeling more "attractive".

I'm not talking about Japanese makeup and haircare practices from centuries ago. I'm not going to shave my eyebrows or put white powder on my face. I'm not talking about skin whitening creams that became popular after the turn of the century, with the modernization/Westernization/militarization of Japan. And I couldn't really speak to practices in uses of cosmetics in other countries, because I just don't know.

But when I say "look like a white person", I'm not talking about—and other people aren't talking about—people who don't fit the bill of the assumed attractiveness that is de rigueur. We're not talking about people who are short. We're not talking about people who are overweight. We're not talking about people without long, shiny hair (or people who are balding). We're not talking about people whose nails are short and dirty from working with their hands. We're not talking about people with rough skin or sock tans.

We may be talking about people who aren't white, but who are tall and thin and sufficiently-breasted (or whatever). We may be talking about people who are transgender or transsex who are then commodified because they manage to flabbergast the audience by looking so much like a beautiful version of [insert preferred binary category here]. But we certainly aren't talking about "real women" that a company like Dove would use in its commercials. We're not interested in real real women, because that's just too much; we're interested in fake, Photoshopped real women. Does that difference make sense?

When I hear "beauty" and "whiteness" I assume we aren't just talking about race or the shade of our foundation. I assume we're talking about power and (cultural) capital. I assume we're talking about the complexities that come from being hapa and therefore you have your dad's curly hair and your mom's flat nose. I assume we're talking about the trend among men in some societies who get talked about for their metrosexuality or for wearing makeup to get job offers. That's what we're talking about, no?

I do sometimes annoy myself for overthinking things...but then again, I'm not sure where "thinking" becomes "intellectualizing" becomes "overintellectualizing". I'm not fool enough to think that I'm the only one who thinks this way; I'm also not fool enough to think that everyone else thinks this way, too. But I feel too uncomfortable just siting here doing whatever my instinctual preferences tell me to do—after all, where did my instincts and preferences come from? I sure as hell wasn't born with them.

2014-10-08

Writing vs. Editing vs. Revising

The other day I was giving comments on a job application cover letter written by a friend of mine. It was a solid letter to begin with, discussing her research interests, teaching experiences, and intellectual trajectories.

What I ended up doing to it, though, was not only giving it comments, but also EDITING it to smithereens. I mean, cutting words here, moving things there, combining paragraphs everywhere, etc., etc. I took a step back after I was done and was like, "Shit, that is a great letter." (Maybe my friend prefers the original, but.)

One thing I've known for some time is that I'm a much better editor than I am a writer. So I love editing what other people have written (and also, I guess, what I've written), but it's so painful for me to write that first draft. And even though I enjoy revising a lot better than I do writing (once I have that first draft), I still end up doing a lot more nitpicky editing than actual, substantive revising.

Help. I don't think people make it as academics being mere editors of their own work. Research, write, revise...but so little emphasis on editing. I know editing is important—but how can I get some balance here?!

2014-10-06

「エロティシズム」とは

とか言っちゃって、「エロティシズム」って一体何なんだろう・・・とか考えてます。

先日読んだ本で、上野千鶴子が結構分かりやすい「エロティシズム」の定義を述べていましたが、忘れてしまいました。(忘れちゃったら、何冊本を読んでも元も子もないのに・・・)

(最近ちょっと「壇蜜」にはまってます。いやいや、色々と事情がありましてね。ちょっとした私的な研究対象になってます、はい。)

でも、本当に、「エロティシズム」とか「エロティック」とは何なのか。見た目の問題?感情の問題?物理的/生物学的な問題?基準は、一人一人?それとも社会が決める?文化?男性と女性はどう考え、どう相手が考えていると思うのか?異性愛者、同性愛者との間では、どう考えるのか?

やっぱり、個人的な好みですかね〜、何がエロくて誰がエロくないかって。

(画像は京都駅の天井です。全然エロくない。)

2014-10-03

Makeup or Make-Up?

I've been thinking about makeup (make-up?) lately. This "thinking about" has been somewhere between me thinking about donuts (e.g., "I wonder what flavor cronut I should get next time?") and me thinking about education reform (e.g., "What is appropriate teacher training for a 'liberal arts' education at the secondary level?"). As in, I wonder about the theoretical implications of choosing between new lipliner and new eyeshadow.

Hey, don't laugh. I only started wearing makeup when I started working, and only because my manager gave me samples that her mother sold through her work at a Japanese cosmetics company. Since then I've accumulated random makeup items, but mostly as gifts from other people. No joke, 90% of what I own, I never even paid for.

This wouldn't be a problem, except that that means I end up with a lot of things that just don't look right on my face. For example, of the seven lipsticks/lipglosses I own, exactly two are colors I actually feel comfortable wearing. That's 28.6%, which, the last time I checked, is an F.

But what can I do? I'm grateful that people give me all these things, and I'd feel bad not using them. And I'm not about to go spend $30 on new lipstick when I have various shades of rose and mauve scattered about my bathroom cabinet. Hence years of mixing colors and finding innovative ways to "use" makeup items.

Except that's just the donut side of thinking about makeup. The education reform side is that I can't quite come to terms with my own desires to wear makeup (except those days when I'm like, fuck it, all I need is sunblock), even with the understanding that "wearing makeup" is just another way for us to "fit other people's standards of beauty". Oh, come on—it's true. We can talk about all the ways makeup plays up our best features, makes us beautiful, helps us love ourselves...but please. What we really mean is, it makes us beautiful in the way Western (and thus most other) marketing has defined beauty, and it helps us love ourselves because we get that affirmation from others that makes us feel so good. (Sooo good.)

You want me to use lipgloss because it makes my lips look fuller (but not too full)? You want me to use shadow on the bridge of my nose so that it looks like I have a three-dimensional nose rather than the two-dimensional one with which I was born? You want me to change the shape of my eyebrows to suit this season's trend? Oh come on, now. I have books I have to be reading.

But still...if I want learn how to shade and highlight my face in such a way so as to make it look more like a white person's face...is that so bad? If I want to wear concealer so that my skin looks even, with no blemishes or pores (and thus biologically impossible), am I a sellout? It's so nice to look and feel pretty...and it's true, thinking that I look pretty makes me feel a whole lot better about myself than when I'm sitting there thinking, wow, what a mess. It's like a pair of good heels—height and longer legs, even if it's all an illusion. And if I'm paying my hard-earned money to get that illusion from multinational corporations, to learn how to do that in a way that suits my own face—is that so theoretically criminal?

2014-10-01

To Apply, or Not to Apply

(Wait, didn't I have a post title like this somewhere else a little while ago?)

It's a funny thing trying to decide whether or not to apply to a particular job post. Last year it was like, "Anything with the word 'Japanese' in it, I'm applying!" but this year it's like, "OK OK, no need to be so voracious here." Like, like...

There are jobs that I clearly can't apply to (not my field, not my time period, etc.), and then there are jobs where I'm like...is this a job I want over the one I have now? And would I want to apply (ever) to jobs in particular geographic locations, when I know that my heart belongs in sunny California?

And what of the question of research vs. teaching? Why the valorization of research institutions over teaching institutions, when I'd much rather be in the classroom teaching than in my office writing? Or am I spoiled even to have such a preference?

2014-09-29

上野千鶴子と林真理子と・・・

最近上野千鶴子と林真理子の本ばっかり読んでる。交互に読むと言う事、そして上野千鶴子が林真理子についても書いたり話したりすると言う事から、結構私の頭が混乱してきたりもする。何故こんなにも二人の本や考え方に惹かれるんだろう?とか。

先日は遥洋子の『東大で上野千鶴子にケンカを学ぶ』も読んだ。著者の視点から書く「学者の世界」の説明は面白かったし、そして上野千鶴子(何故いつもフルネームなのだろう・・・)が著者に対してとる態度の説明も読んでいてとても嬉しかった。

私は上野千鶴子にも林真理子にも会った事がないし、会うより本を読む方が好むと思うけど、上野千鶴子は私が聞いている程悪い人ではないと思う。遥洋子にとっての上野千鶴子は、私にとっての大学院の恩師に似ている。きつい人かもしれないし、暖かい人では無いかもしれない。気難しかったり、「それはないんじゃないのっ?!」と思わせる様な事をしたり言ったりするかもしれない。でも、彼女は彼女の考え方を持っていて、それを主張できるだけの地位に行き着いたんだ。彼女だったら、私が彼女の本と林真理子の本を一緒に読む事を批判しないと思う。

2014-09-26

How to Eat Breakfast

Call me racist, but I think Japanese people shouldn't sit on chairs to eat at tables.

OK OK, it's not so much that I think Japanese people shouldn't own dining sets, it's just that I find it disturbing when I see a furniture catalog in a Japanese 7-Eleven that features "Western" furniture that just screams, "Hi, I just came out of a dining room in a country on the other side of the globe!"

I mean, what are you going to eat when you sit at these tables in your little island nation, people? Are you going to sip Earl Grey and eat spotted dick, or are you going to have your rice with miso soup and maybe a side of salted cod roe? Please.

And why can't we eat stuff that's grown in our locality, or at least within close range, rather than importing things using gallons and gallons of gas?

(Even in the States I am confused by marketing phrases like "urban chic" and "elegant classic". How can my style be boiled down to adjective + adverb?)

2014-09-24

A Ph.D. Entrance Exam!

do not enter
これ。これが好きなんです・・・!

This is the thing I love whenever we have an event in our building. The organizers put up signs everywhere that say "Do not enter"...like, ENTER AND YOUR HEAD WILL EXPLODE. I love it.

Today our department is having entrance exams for our Ph.D. program. I had forgotten that we had such things as grad school entrance exams, even though my parents had talked about them before. (Specifically, my mother talked about how my father had wanted to get into the grad program for a particular department but had to go into a different department because he wasn't smart enough to pass...while my father sat there looking kind of awkward.)

Oh, entrance exams. I'm so glad I never had to take them. I'm sure I would've failed them anyway, seeing as how I don't study and my parents weren't ones to send us to cram school. And the only thing that saved me in the States was SAT II Writing...


2014-09-05

駅弁 ~ Station Meal-in-a-Box ~

I recently read a book about ekiben (駅弁, "railway boxed meals", according to Wikipedia—I'd always associated bento with lunch, but I guess you can have it for dinner, too). I was standing in the food studies section at the library and thought I'd pick something up.

The book was titled Ekiben Monogatari (『駅弁物語』, Stories of the Railway Boxed Meal) and published in 1979. Its author, Uriu Tadao (瓜生忠夫), was born in Taiwan in 1915 and worked later as a media critic while also writing about ekiben.

I admit I love ekiben—I get it every chance I get (unless I'm overladen with luggage), mostly when I take the shinkansen. I got one last at the beginning of August (pictured—though I threw away the wrapping and don't remember much about it, except it had something to do with being a light summer meal)!

The book was unexpectedly a great read, despite its moments of sexism. The concurrent rise of the ekiben along with that of the Japanese railway system, the relationship between ekiben and imperialism as the military purchased ekiben from vendors in exchange for supplying them with white rice (hot commodity during wartime), changing nature of trains (e.g., windows that passengers can't open) under modernization and the development of express trains and what it did to the economic structure of platform sales of ekiben... All really interesting and new to me.

In the book Uriu gives a recipe for making "Torimeshi" (「とりめし」), an ekiben he likes from Takasaki Station (高崎駅) in Gunma Prefecture (群馬県) in the Kantō region. Apparently he got the recipe from the (then?) owner of Budō-ya (葡萄屋) in Tokyo, a restaurant that specializes in chicken dishes and yakitori...and what do you know, they're still in business. I'm including a rough summary of the recipe below, just so I won't forget it.


The Meat Half of the Torimeshi Topping

400g ground chicken
8 T sake
4 T sugar
3 T soy sauce

Put meat into a pot, mix the sauce and pour over meat. Cook without stirring. When done, serve over half the rice in a bowl. (If you want to reheat, add sake or water.)


I love recipes like that. Now for

The Egg Half of the Torimeshi Topping

2 eggs
1 T sugar
Salt

Combine ingredients and pour into a pan with no oil. When it begins to cook, mix vigorously with chopsticks. Serve over the other half of the rice in a bowl.


He says torimeshi goes well with a simple chicken soup, made with ginger, garlic, salt, pepper...with a little bit of soy sauce, green onions, and some mitsuba (an herb, kind of like parsley or cilantro). Mmmmmm.

2014-09-03

GSA #5: Things You Can Do Because You're a Grad Student

Actually, I'm talking about the things I did as a grad student that I hesitate to do now that I'm...not. This doesn't mean that I actually can't do these things now, or that I should have been doing them while I was a grad student, either...

  • Reading stuff from the series A Very Short Introduction. I read the Literary Theory one for the first quarter of the theory sequence and thought, "How cool! I wanna learn about cosmology!" But now that I'm not a grad student, can I still read, say, Marx: A Very Short Introduction or Foucault: A Very Short Introduction? I suppose I can say I'm learning how to explain this stuff in clear terms to my students...
  • Wearing flip-flops. A fellow TA once said to me, "You always dress like a businessperson!" (as if that were a bad thing). Turns out I also love wearing flip-flops. But am I allowed to wear this stuff around campus, at least on days when I'm not teaching? Or is that too...SoCal...?
  • Bumming housing off of friends. Why not, I say. If I have friends living in whatever city I'm visiting (e.g., for a conference), why not ask to stay with them? Isn't that what friendship means?? But as a young professor once said, at some point you kind of have to start paying to stay at a real hotel.
  • Eating while walking. This sounds stupid, but food always tastes better when consumed while walking. I'm drawing a line at eating while walking around the department, but am I allowed to eat, say, a Family Mart onigiri while taking a nice stroll around campus? Or is that taboo, too?
  • Napping in my office. Well, as a grad student, I wasn't exactly napping, I was just falling asleep from simple lack of sleep. But if I at least close the door and turn off the lights, am I still allowed to do that? (Oh wait...I just saw a news story about napping at the workplace in Japan...and The Internship (2013) definitely said Google has nap pods...)

The fact that the weather is cooling down means I no longer have to arrive at my office just to take off my majorly sweaty shirt and sit there in a sports bra. But does being a non-student also mean I have to show up at work perfectly made up and wearing clickety heels, too? And where can I go to enjoy some quality music performance on the cheap, like I used to with ArtPower's grad student comp tickets??

2014-09-01

お祭り

土曜日は充実した一日でした。

最初はアパートの掃除!家がキレイだと、気持ちがいいです。
それからコメダ珈琲店で読書。(ミルクコーヒーって何ですか?)
その次は大須観音へ行きました!(次回は昼間に行きたいです。)
大須観音駅の辺りは、着物のリサイクルショップが沢山ありました。嬉しい。

それから歩いて久屋大通へ。その日は偶々お祭りでした。ラッキー!
その後東急ハンズANNEXで買い物をしたら、その日は「ハンズメッセ」で大セール。またラッキー!
そこからまた歩いて、今度はビックカメラに。枕を購入しました。

は〜、疲れた。楽しかったけど、ちょっと歩きすぎた一日でした。

2014-08-29

"Real" "'American' 'Tacos'"

The other day at the grocery store I bought two items that I ordinarily would not buy: One was meat, and the other was lettuce. (Seriously...I'll never understand what prompted the gods to bring lettuce into this world.)

What happened was this: I was at the local grocery store, minding my own business, when I encountered a box of Old El Paso Taco Kit on the clearance shelf. I felt so bad! Poor little Taco Kit...no one wanted him, so they reduced his price and tried to cast him off...

And then I thought, wait a minute. I haven't had tacos in weeks! And since I haven't been able to find corn tortillas, maybe I can save this little guy AND satisfy my cravings at the same time!

Hence the lettuce (which, also, was on clearance (man, I love Japanese grocery stores)). And I bought chicken (ALSO on clearance...WTF) because I was craving fried chicken before I found the OEPTK. And then I went home to make myself some OEP Chicken Tacos. And you know what? The end product actually looked like real American tacos! Just like they sell at Taco Bell!!!

Which, mind you, was the first meal I had when I landed in the United States all those years ago.

2014-08-27

Grad School Awesomeness #4: On Mentors and Committees

I remember my friends talking about how asking a professor to be on their committee was like making a marriage proposal. I guess that depends on what kind of marriage proposal you're into, but I agree that the makeup of the committee can be significant in the lives of grad students.

While "the committee" and its formation are unique to each, I've come to terms with a few things about them over the years (and am a little bit wiser for them):

  1. Your advisor, chair, and mentor can all be different people. You're probably assigned a first-year mentor/advisor based on what you write in your application, but that person doesn't have to be your chair (or even co-chair) when you write your dissertation. Nor should you expect that person necessarily to be your mentor—the person who actually mentors you through your intellectual and professional development, with an eye to what's good for you as a young scholar. You don't have to expect all of these things from just one person. 
  2. Your favorite prof doesn't have to be on your committee. Sometimes it's better not to have your most favorite awesomest mentor-est professor on your dissertation committee, especially given the drama and unpleasantness that can be involved in the Ph.D. process. That way you can still have that mentor to go and talk with about all the things going on in your grad school life, without having that person be involved in the messiness of revising, applying to jobs/fellowships, etc. It's very comforting to have that neutral space. 
  3. Your favorite prof may not be other people's favorite prof. This is obvious, but a professor who is good to you—reads your drafts, gives you advice on jobs, helps you get funding—may not be the same way to your friends. So don't go off being a jerk about it, talking about how awesome this prof is with people who don't share your sentiments. Just like you can't be nice to everyone, profs can't be nice to all grad students equally, either. On the flip side, if you know a prof who is being a jerk to you, understand that maybe that prof is spending time and energy supporting and mentoring someone else. And that's OK too.
The wonderful thing about writing a dissertation is that so much of it is influenced by...everything. And that the work you produce is possible because of the committee you have—whether for better or for worse—is kind of cool. Having a different committee would influence you to write a different dissertation, of course—but no matter what, it's your dissertation, something that you can be proud of regardless of what committee members' names are on the first page.

2014-08-25

習うより慣れろ

昨日は東京(と言っても八王子)の方に、三味線の合同稽古で行ってきました。楽しかった〜。(日帰りだったけど。)

南大沢/橋本辺りを電車が通った時は、「お〜、懐かしい!」とか思いました。ホント、なんか帰ってきた感じ。

三味線の会の人達とも、時間を過ごすのが嬉しい。気さくな人達が沢山。共通点の三味線意外でも、結構気が合う。

でも、名古屋での生活ももう一ヶ月以上経ちます。やっぱり、最初は戸惑っていても、慣れちゃえばこっちのモン。

クヨクヨしてる暇はありません。とにかく行動する!分からなくても、毎日やってれば大体の事はできる様になっちゃいます。

ちなみにイメージは撥入れです。いつけ運命的にこの生地の帯に巡り会えたらな〜、とか思ってます。その日が楽しみ。

2014-08-22

Favorite Things

It's Friday here and I am having one of those "appreciate all my favorite things" kind of a day. (It's primarily because I am reading Hayashi Mariko's Wedding Diaries (林真理子、『ウェディング日記』) and I am reminded of just how much I like her writing...in a different way from liking Ueno Chizuko's chip-on-the-shoulder style.)

These are a few of my favorite things: good books, good music, good people. Wine—white, rosé, sparkling (sometimes red). All wrapped up in good conversation.

Food, good food: chocolate, ice cream, flan, panna cotta, crème brûlée. Mango, watermelon, Asian pear, pineapple. Fried rice, ochazuke, and lots and lots of chicken karaage.

If I have nothing else, I can be happy being alone with a candle and some flowers. And then I won't feel so bad.

2014-08-20

お金をかけずにステキになる方法 其ノ二:自信を持とう!

やっと読みました!サンディエゴの本屋さんでは見つからなかった斎藤芳乃さんの本を、先日購入。やっぱり読んでよかったです。

This is the "self-help" book that I'd been reading. A lesson on how to have self-confidence...

「不適切な人から自分を守る」・・・これを読んで、自分の中でモヤモヤしていた雲が少しずつ消えて行った様な気がします。相手がどんなに「大切」、「必要」だと思っても、私の事を尊重してくれない人とは、一緒にはいられません。勿論、妥協するべき時もあります。でも、相手の考え方に支配されたくはありません。

以前、「君が嫉妬するのは僕の所為じゃなくて、君に自信が無いからだろ」と言われた事があります。確かにそうかもしれない。もっと私が、「自分は素敵な人間だから、彼が他の人に目を向ける筈は無い」と思える位自信があればよかったのかもしれません。でも今考えて見ると、少し違う様な気がします。私が「しないで」と言う事を、私の自信の無さと言い切ってし続ける人は、私には「不適切」だったんだと思います。

あ〜、この本読んでよかった。なんか色々スッキリした〜・・・

2014-08-18

Grad School Awesomeness #3: Affording Life as a Ph.D. Student

Look at me, trying to make smart purchases...
I was lucky when it came to affording life as a Ph.D. student.

After finishing my undergrad and M.A. (at a pricey but reputable school), I worked for three years at a decent job and paid off my undergrad loans before starting my Ph.D. I also worked nights and weekends during that time at what will always be my favorite job, a gift shop in The Mission that paid minimum wage but came with wine on the weekends.

During the Ph.D. program I worked my 50% TAship and occasional extra gigs—readerships, writing tutoring, etc. I had some money saved up from previous years so that I didn't have to take out a loan. My "rent" was a mortgage that my parents and I were paying off together, even though my share was less than half the going rate for the condo in which I lived.

In short, I got lucky. I was lucky enough to have TAships and other financial support while at UCSD. I had a background that empowered me to get into a college that enabled me to get a job (even if it took a few months after graduation). Of course, I worked (in multiple senses of the term) both before and during grad school. But in general, I got lucky.

But how does one afford life as a Ph.D. student, especially in the humanities, a degree that takes five to seven (?) years to earn, when one is paid $2,000 a month (if that much) for nine months out of 12 (and when even that isn't guaranteed)? How does one pay for rent, groceries, utilities, Internet, going out to eat, and picking up occasional treats? How does one support a family and cover medical expenses? How does one budget for conferences that require registration, airfare, and lodging? (And what is one expected to do during the "drought months" of August, September, and October?)

I think about this in terms of the overall scheme of "financial education" for growing up in the States (or anywhere else). Maybe some people are taught at a young age how to manage their money. Maybe some people get one of those kiddie accounts when they're young, and by the time they hit 18 they already have a few grand to their name. Maybe some people are trust fund babies.

But for a 1.5-generation immigrant kid whose family members got Green Cards just as her older sister was starting college, there was no "financial education". My family was ostensibly "middle class", even if we didn't know what that meant, with enough money to be comfortable but not enough to do anything with it.

The things I'm learning "to do with it" is a topic for a different post, but in talking with my friends in grad school and people who've yet to start their programs, I've decided what I would tell my own kids about affording life as a Ph.D. student:

"Work a real job first, then start a Ph.D. program."

I don't say this to be discouraging, or to suggest that this is the right and only way. (Oh, my poor children.) I've a good feeling that my kids would work through college and pay off their own debt. But I'd tell them also to go work a "real job" before pursuing grad school. (And, no, an M.A. program is not the kind of "real job" I'm talking about here.) It doesn't have to be one that gives them benefits (though that'd be nice) or gives them business cards (since that's an unforgivable waste of natural resources). I'd tell them to work at least one year, possibly two, maybe even three. I'd tell them to save up enough money to be able to live for three to six months with no other income (a.k.a. an "emergency fund"). I'd tell them to learn what it means to work with other people, where not pulling their weight means others have to pick up their slack. So that they'd understand that, in some industries, there are consequences to missing a deadline, not replying to emails, not keeping appointments. (They'd be fired.) I'd tell them to experience an alternative to grad school, so that they'd know what they were working toward in the first place. Then once they had that work experience and money saved up, I'd say to them, "OK kid, now you're ready to go be a starving grad student."

They might say, "But mum, it's really difficult to save up three to six months worth of living expenses." And they'd be right—but I'd tell them that it's not going to get any easier with a Ph.D., either. That looking for, finding, and keeping a job is difficult, whether you go to grad school or not.

But most of all, I'd tell them to work a real job before starting a Ph.D. program because I want them to arm themselves. I want them to have the work experience, the financial resources, and the sense to be able to get through a Ph.D. program and the accompanying experience of being on the job market. I want them to arm themselves because there's a chance that no one else will be there to help them or to stand up for them. If they encounter a great mentor, I couldn't be happier; but even if advisors want them to get hired, even if departments want them to get fellowships, that doesn't always happen. And it's up to my kids to arm and defend themselves. (I also want them to see the professors around them doing all the things that would get them fired in any other job, and be able to say to themselves, "I'm not going to be that kind of a professor." Because they'd owe it to their colleagues and, more importantly, to their students.)

I don't believe that education, especially undergraduate education, is something that we should have to take out loans in order to get. A grad program may be a bit more iffy, but it sure isn't the kind of thing that should weigh people down with a 5-figure debt (or higher) upon completion. Without a doubt, there's a whole lot that the university (as well as the government) should be responsible for in making grad school affordable. But I also think that, if we're serious about doing a Ph.D., we have to be serious about being able to afford it as well—and we have to be professional and prepared enough so that we don't suffer our way through it.

2014-08-16

Grad School Awesomeness #2: Some Things to Do Before Applying

This is a second in my "Grad School Awesomeness" (GSA) series, and it too is a modified excerpt from the same email conversation as the first post on whether to Ph.D. or not. Today's post talks about things one can do to prepare to apply for Ph.D. programs in (comparative) literature. (I sound like a total jerk in these emails, but such is life...)

--
I think past experiences and interests, however related they are (or not) to the Ph.D. field, are integral to who you are, as well as to your thought process on applying to Ph.D. programs. To be honest, I encourage the Ph.D. path with anyone who is interested, even given the caveat that I mentioned in my previous email...but that's because I believe that anyone who is interested in higher education should have access to it and the opportunity to succeed in that environment, regardless of what happens after graduation.

You know, having a foreign language or not isn't a big deal—of course, I imagine most Ph.D. programs want you to have English plus at least one foreign language, but it's also good to know one foreign language well rather than two only so-so. You can also apply to English lit Ph.D. programs and not really have to worry about foreign language skills as much; it's with Comp Lit programs that foreign language skills become crucial for the admission process...

I'm gonna take the liberty to suggest a few things to put on your to-do list this summer (if you aren't teaching and have time).

  1. Read some good books, both for "academic" reasons and for fun
  2. Read some "theoretical" texts
  3. Read some books from academic presses (Duke University Press, University of California Press, University of Minnesota Press, etc.)
  4. Write a "seminar paper" as a writing sample

I should explain a bit:

1. Read some good books—I imagine you already like to read, so this shouldn't be too painful. But think of all the books, classics and pop fiction, that you've been wanting to read—and read them! Considering those you've read in the past and have liked, start a list of the texts and writers that appeal to you. These can be texts that become your objects of analysis later on.

2. Read some "theoretical" texts—Grad programs will vary on how much they emphasize "theory"; my department REALLY emphasized theory (as do many other programs in the UC system), and programs develop reputations on their theoretical/intellectual approach in this way. (This becomes crucial in your professional development, because it determines your (perceived) intellectual "fit" at different departments when you're applying to jobs.) At UCSD, all first-year Ph.D. students take a three-quarter theory sequence: first quarter is about Marx and other "big name" theorists; second quarter is about gender and sexuality; third quarter is about postcolonial theory. (That's a gross oversimplification of the sequence, but so be it.) You can probably find reading lists for "theory" courses that give you an idea of what you might want to read. Something like this list from UPenn is a place to start, though it's somewhat skewed...

3. Read some books from academic presses—In any Ph.D. program, you'll be "reading" both primary texts (novels, short stories, film, etc.) and secondary texts. How well you know your secondary texts (the stuff from "academic" presses and others (Routledge, Verso, etc.)) will define how rigorous you are as a scholar. Given your research interests, you can visit the Websites of some of the presses (those three are pretty top-notch) and see if you can find books that interest you. Check them out from the library and flip through them. Take notes as you read, note the primary and secondary texts they analyze and cite, and see if you notice any texts that get mentioned repeatedly (and try to read those if you have time). Your initial questions and musings provide a great place to start reading. (Also, as you start narrowing down your choices for programs to apply to, try to read the books by professors that you'd be interested in working with.)

4. Write a "seminar paper"—As you read these books, if you decide that you need a writing sample as part of your application package, check out the guidelines for the applications and figure out the number of pages you might need for such a writing sample...then write a "seminar paper"! (You can google "how to write a seminar paper" to get some suggestions.) As a grad student, you'll be writing a number of things—seminar papers, project proposals, fellowship applications, dissertation chapters, journal articles. But at least during your coursework years, for each seminar you take, you'll most likely be expected to write a seminar paper. In my department, since we're on the quarter system, they tend to be pretty short—10–15 pages. (My friends in other departments write 20+ page seminar papers, though, so I'm not sure what's up with that.) But pick the number of pages you want to aim for (with standard formatting: 1" margins, 12 pt. font, double-spaced) and write! You can always cut the paper to make it work for schools that require fewer pages. But take all the good books, theoretical texts, and academic books you read over the summer, and try to come up with your original thesis/argument. It doesn't have to be a ground-breaking thesis, just something to show your application reviewers that you know how to read texts, synthesize information, and output an intelligent paper. Whether or not you enjoy this process of writing the "seminar paper" is crucial—because that's essentially what you'll be doing your whole time in grad school (in addition to teaching) . . . :)

2014-08-15

No Sex Please, At Least Not in the Way You Think

It’s been over two months since I filed my dissertation, and it’s about time I started getting some work done. It’s not like I don’t have things to do; I’ve plenty (preparing for my class, writing my conference paper, working on a journal article, etc.)—it’s just that I’m in that zone of…I don’t know. Laziness.

To add fuel to the fire of my laziness (is that...even possible?), my recent reading materials have come from the local city library rather than the university library. And you know just how much I love books I can rustle up at the city library...

My first batch of books included those on the practice of jijitsukon (事実婚), the assertion that Japan ought to "single-ize", and the background to the increasing number of men not marrying. (I justify the selection of these books by saying they're related to Japan, gender, and marriage (=research-related).) 

Coupled with the YouTube video my friend forwarded me about "no sex in Japan", these texts made me think more seriously about the complicated nature of marriage, family, sex, and all sorts of other things that become tangled up in those practices. The rumor that Japanese people don't have sex is a total lie—of course they have sex, for crying out loud, just maybe not in the heteronormative, monogamous way that people normalize. The aging and dwindling population is tied up with changes in the marriage institution and costs/benefits of childbearing, of course, but they also have much to do with racist immigration policies and labor practices that economically disadvantage workers regardless of gender. And the social and psychological factors that make it difficult for people to establish longterm relationships while simultaneously making them feel like they have have do so—embedded in changing shapes of the family institution, these factors only complicate matters.

As my four-year-old niece would say, what a mess. While several solutions have been proposed and implemented already—make it more viable for women to stay in the workforce, make marriage less patriarchal and conservative (both politically and culturally), enable "foreigners" to make a decent living in Japan—I get this vague feeling that things aren't really...working. Gee whiz, maybe if I get my act together I can make this a future research project, to justify all the energy I'm spending thinking about it.

2014-07-31

「コスパ」とは

コスパ:noun. abbreviation of "cost performance"; essentially, how much bang you're getting for your buck.

昨日は、とても消費が高い日でした。何故なら、久しぶりに、「楽しみ」の買い物をしたから。

読みたかった本。探してた服。大切な人への贈り物。ちょっとした「贅沢」でした。

こんな「消費」は、大好きです。

(ついでに、ローションと乳液のサンプルも貰いました。へっへっへ。)

ちょっと値段が高くても、自分が選んだ、自分の幸せへの投資なら、イイじゃないですか。

I love the warm feeling of spending money for all the right reasons—mostly for others, and then sometimes, those little indulgences for the self. :)

(これはポーラ化粧品の宣伝ではありません。)

2014-07-29

Being Thin in Japan (or Not)

Fried-chicken-on-a-skewer keeps me coming back to 7-Eleven...

I might complain about many things in Japan, but I do love its ubiquity of convenience stores. I can buy silly shit like this and also print stuff while I'm at it.

But one of the many things that make me uncomfortable about Japan is the REAL LIFE body sizes surrounding me. Clearly "body image" is not a problem unique to Japan; unrealistic standards of beauty for women and men, "fat talk", etc. in the United States are a problem, too.

But, but. The other day when I went to my health exam for my new job, it was indicated that, by the faulty standards of BMI, I was categorized as "Underweight".

But, but. I see young men walking around town, with hips and legs that are smaller and skinnier than mine. And correspondingly tiny women whose skinny legs teetering on high heels make me wonder how women in Japan bear children (which is not something I need to think about).

But, but......

2014-07-25

how much

愛は不思議だ。
素直でいれば、信じられない位深い、深い感情が見つかる。


私の好きな歌に、こんな歌詞がある。

「ねぇ こんなに笑えた事 
生まれて 初めてだよ。
きっと 私はね
この日の為に 間違いだらけの 道を
歩いてきたんだ ずっと。」


太平洋は大きいけど、前に進めば、いつかたどり着く。
夜の空は暗いけど、月はたった一つしかない。


次に会える日を、待っています。
その日まで、元気でいて下さい。


Just imagine—how deeply you can love the right one.

2014-07-24

日本の謎 / Mysteries in Japan #5: 身分証明書 / ID

It's a little past 9 PM at this Starbucks here, and the joint is, as they would say, jumpin'. It's like, geez people, don't you have anywhere else to be??

I have an excuse, because I don't have Internet at my apartment, and I need, as Kusanagi Motoko would say, to get connected to the Net. And I have discovered that the reason I have to be at a Starbucks at 9:11 PM on a Thursday night is because Japan has a pretty screwed up subject identification system.

I won't complain about the mind-numbing process of getting myself transferred into this city at the local ward office. I know I have it pretty good as a Japanese citizen, even having to wait around, explain to the officer about living overseas, clarify why I'm not contributing to the national pension system, or be dismayed by the persistent racism and patriarchy of the Japanese koseki (family registry) system.

But it does make me sad when I have to consider handing over my passport just to get Internet set up, or when I can't get a library card without a "government-issued" ID. I mean, really—haven't you people ever heard of MIGRATION??